I worry about what young women are being taught leadership looks like.
Everywhere they turn, they see examples that suggest leadership means taking a public stand as quickly as possible. They see people praised for declaring their position without hesitation. They see attention given to those who sound the most certain.
It’s understandable why that would feel like strength.
But in my experience, the leaders who make the biggest difference are rarely the first to speak. They’re the ones who stay. They stay in conversations that are uncomfortable. They stay when the outcome isn’t clear. They stay long enough to earn trust and move something forward.
That part doesn’t get as much attention.
At Women Lead Change, I spend time with women across Iowa who are ready to lead. They care deeply about their communities and their workplaces. They want to do the right thing. But many of them feel pressure to prove themselves by being publicly decisive at every moment.
What they don’t hear often enough is that leadership isn’t about reacting. It’s about influencing.
Influence requires proximity. You cannot shape an outcome if you’ve removed yourself from the conversation. You cannot build trust with people you refuse to engage. And you cannot solve complicated problems if your only tool is distance.
This is something women have understood for a long time. Many have built their careers without relying on authority alone. They learned how to listen, how to navigate differences, how to bring people along. Not because it was easy, but because it was necessary.
That approach isn’t a weakness. It’s discipline.
Right now, we are at risk of convincing the next generation that leadership is about declaring where you stand rather than doing the harder work of creating change. The truth is, change rarely comes from a single statement. It comes from showing up again and again, even when it would be easier not to.
I have seen firsthand that progress depends on people who are willing to stay engaged. People who are confident enough in themselves to listen. People who care more about outcomes than appearances.
Young women deserve to know that leadership isn’t about being the loudest person in the room. It’s about being the one who makes the room better because you were willing to remain in it.
That kind of leadership isn’t flashy. But it works.
(Tiffany O’Donnell is the CEO of Women Lead Change, headquartered in Cedar Rapids. She can be reached at [email protected].)
